Reclaimed dignity

I recently heard that emotional and mental pain activates the brain in the same places where physical pain is registered. That was an important insight for me: if I feel down, deflated or crushed, it’s similar to me lying in bed, weary, due to physical pain. It also helped me towards deeper understanding of how some behaviors we display are a strategy to protect us against the recurrence of a painful experience.

One of those protective strategies I’ve observed in my coaching practice is low self-image. If we have been sidelined by family members or teachers, we often prefer to stay in the background. We often say that we’re not as good as others, when in fact this often is a way to protect ourselves against getting sidelined yet again.

Recently a woman shared with me: ‘I have been asked to lead a big project. And I don’t know why they would chose me. I’m only managing smaller projects, I am a woman and also have family responsibilities - they could have found someone much stronger than me.’
In the course of our discussion, I made her roleplay her supervisor explaining to the donor why he wanted her to be in charge of the project. She came up with a long list of attributes, skills and experiences she possessed.
I made her read the list out loud to herself. She was awed. She had never allowed herself to see her many strengths! Her face brightened up and her whole body seemed to explode with energy.

With her new awareness came other insights: As a believer, she felt that she could honor God much more if she was aware of her strengths, affirmed them and intentionally invested them for others.
She also realized that what the project and her team needed to be successful was pretty much what she had in strengths. She is now more confident to take on the role and determined to not hold back but rather put her strengths into service.

Instead of remaining in the background to avoid the pain of being sidelined, she was able to revisit her self-image, resulting in new confidence, stronger leadership and a regained dignity as a woman.